Everything continues to go well so far. I am tolerating all the foods and learning how to "like" the soft foods part of this process. A week from today I can start on solid food - yea!!! I lost another pound this AM so that is good too. I still struggle with that exercise routine everyday. I love my Resistance Chair and actually enjoy the time I do spend on it so what's the hang up? The biggest fear I have is a fear of failing at this. So far, I have been doing well so what's behind the fear? I will be fat forever and so heavy it will take a gazillion pall bearers to carry my casket? a fear of losing weight? a fear of being "skinny"? a fear of being successful? Why am I "hiding" underneath all this weight? What am I "hiding"? What do I do now? Get with it or scrap it? Seems like I've gone through an awful lot so far to get to this point so "scrapping it" is just not an option anymore. So - how do I get into a routine? Perhaps the best way is just set aside a time everyday when I can exercise - maybe over noon either before or after I've had lunch and before I go back to work? I would really like to go walking again but I just don't trust my feet. I hope that can change as I take more weight off. Getting my husband to go with me is a solution but so far he is not really invested in doing that. And what happens when winter comes - not so easy to walk outside and no malls within 30 miles. One thing I would really like is to go swimming everyday but there is no indoor pool and the pool hours at the outdoor one are not conducive to my working hours. Stay with me on this - I need to continue working on things. Tikki

We have sunny weather today - much better than all the rain we've gotten the past two nights. My blood sugar continues to stay within normal limits - thankfully. That was one of my goals for having this surgery - to get my diabetes under control. The weight loss is painfully slow so far - I want it to come off much faster. I'm following the recommended diet religiously and measuring everything that goes into my mouth. I am still in mourning for what I can no longer do - chomp into a big juicy burger from somewhere - anywhere - wouldn't matter. Likewise a big juicy Reuben at Cecil's Backroom in St. Paul by St. Catherine's University - absolutely the best Reubens one would ever want to eat. Those days are now gone - at least for the time being. Right now, I am thinking I will never be able to approach a meal from now on without looking at the size of the portions and adjusting downwards, especially in restaurants. Here's an idea - ask the waitress for the proverbial doggy bag when she brings the meal and put most of it in there for home later and just leave what I can eat on the plate. Here's another tip: when with someone you know doesn't like the big portions either, ask for two plates and order one dinner/lunch. My daughter and I did that a few years back on a trip to Atlanta and Savannah, GA - worked like a charm.

Here's a tip for women who experience night sweats because of a "broken internal thermostat"- there are some pajamas out there that can "fix" this issue. They are the most comfortable PJs I've ever owned. The fabric is luxurious and feels absolutely wonderful against your skin. It is designed to absorb heat as well. They come in all sizes too and some fashionable colors as well. You can find them at www.goodnighties.com. Give 'em a try and see for yourself.

Now to compliment those great PJs and truly make your sleeping experience complete - especially for you menopausal women - try a Buckwheat pillow. These pillows absorb the heat and absolutely mold to any part of your body you desire. This pillow has increased the quality of my sleep for the past 13 years. My Motto, "You can have my first born but nobody, NOBODY, touches my pillow". That pillow has been everywhere with me - always. You can find these wonderful pillows at www.buckwheatpillows.com. Between these two items - the pJs and the Buckwheat pillow - well - it is just like being in heaven all night long.

Tomorrow I go back to work - back to the grindstone - as they say. It will be a bit of an adjustment, what with the dietary requirements every hour or so. But I have a small refrig and microwave oven there so it should not be too difficult. I'm feeling better every day, my mood is improving each day as well, and I even have more energy now than I did three weeks ago. I need to exercise on my Resistance Chair consistently every day in order to maintain and improve on this. Onward and upward - Tikki

I did not expect to feel this good so quickly. I am now down 14 pounds from day of discharge (including the 8 pounds I gained overnight from all that nutritious and calorie laden IV I had while in there overnight). I have more energy and can move around easier. Even some of my clothes are starting to get too big - Yea!!! I go back to work on Monday and I am so glad I took the full two weeks off. I have been able to get about 1/2 hour in on my Resistance Chair every day and hope to increase that with time. Those resistance bands (cables) really make one work - good strengthening exercise. Unfortunately I am still crushing pills and mixing in something - there is absolutely nothing that will make that stuff taste good :0(!

I have been following the diet religiously and am now on soft foods - finally! I was so looking forward to being off liquids and now - well - the soft foods aren't much better - and - I still have about 10 days to go before I can even try solid food - and - then only in finely chewed food. I'm finding I still eat way too fast but I do now chew everything for a long time. I have not been hungry - yet! I still would very much appreciate a spray I could use in my mouth that would replicate all the yummy tastes of different kinds of food.

Today I am out and about for a bit this AM and through lunch. I will be at my office doing some things until about 11 AM and then will go out to some businesses in town soliciting funds for our local Girl Scout Swim Team and then will have lunch with my good friend Kathi. We always eat Chinese when she comes through so I'm looking at their menu to see what I can eat. The only thing looks to be their wanton soup. I can chop up the wontons and then grind down with my teeth. I like that soup so it's OK. Can hardly wait until I can eat solids again though.

That's the update - until later - Tikki

Today is Saturday, June 19th. A lot has happened since I last wrote. On Wednesday I had an appointment at the Surgeon's office in Sioux Falls. Everything is going along beautifully. It was bit of a trick to make sure I ate/drank every hour. I also had an appointment at the Endocrinologist office after the one at the Surgeon's office. I brought a small cooler along with everything measured out and packed so I was able to maintain the eating schedule - but it was bit of a hassle preparing everything the night before etc. The scale I got at Pampered Chef years ago is excellent for this kind of stuff - measuring everything that goes in my mouth. I also felt much better and the incisions are healing. I got my walking in with going between buildings on the campus of Sanford Hospital. Both my husband and I were able to get our respective appointments on the same day in late July for followups - his for his heart and me for the surgery. I see the dietician next time and the NP at the Surgeon's office for my first adjustment in the band. Right now, the band is open as wide as it can get to allow for healing etc. I suspect she will put some saline into the band in July to decrease the size of the opening.

Thursday we had to go up to Mankato to the Army Guard Armory to get a new military ID for me - mine expired on 6/15/2010. So had to get most everything ready the night before for food for the day, The good news is that we were back home before lunch :0)! So Thursday wasn't as much of a hassle as Wednesday. To say I am looking forward to this Wednesday is an understatement - Wednesday is the day I get to have 1/2 an egg for breakfast and applesauce. I am moving on to the Soft Foods part of this new eating regime - Yea :0)! I was able to exercise on the Resistance Chair and have set a goal for myself of using it for 30-45 minutes daily. It is so easy to get involved with something and forget to exercise and to eat on time - something I really need to watch.

Today I hope to get my husband to take a short walk with me. I do not trust myself because of the neuropathy in my feet. My balance is not the best so it is reassuring to have him by my side as we walk together. At least the weather is cooperating so far today - not sure if there is expected rain showers or not - hope not :0)!

For anyone considering this surgery, I recommend it, It is least invasive of the different bariatric surgeries with the fastest time for recovery. You MUST change your eating habits and lifestyle for this to work. This can be a life changing event in one's life - and I hope it will be for me.

Recovery

It's been a few days. I am busy with all the preparations for my liquid diet once every hour. I do not have any hunger pangs nor desire to eat more. I have not had any nausea or vomiting. I'm gradually learning how to measure everything etc. My wonderful husband took me to the grocery store today to pick up a few things for this wonderful diet. I have decided to withold all my vitamin supplements except the chewable multivitamin. I have not found anything to cover up the taste of crushed meds which have been added to milk, juice, yogurt, etc. I find I am still tired and need to take a nap at least once a day for an hour, sometimes two. Hopefully that will decrease. There are times when I wonder - "What have I done?" but then remind myself of my long term goal. Besides, my body would reject any kind of solid food once it exceeds a certain, very small, amount.

I'm supposed to walk everyday but so far have not been able to do that. I will try my Resistance Chair later today and see if that is tolerable. I need to do something. I am afraid of walking because of my bad right knee and the possibility that I might fall again. Then someone who sees it can come help or call for help - It generally takes two people to get me up. That is one thing I am looking forward to - getting up by myself :0)! Can hardly wait until I graduate up to Baby food.

The incisions are healing but two of them seem to bother more than the others. Some of the super glue came off in the shower today. Last night I had a problem with the evening meds and mixing them into a small amount of liquid. The end results is that some of those "crushed' meds landed on the very back of my tongue so now I have a sore throat - wonderful!!!! Dinner tonight consists of 2 oz cream of chicken soup and 2 oz of milk. The snoozies are catching up to me so I better lay down for a bit - Until later - Tikki

Well the surgery is done and I am home again. I'm learning how to crush pills and mix with water or juice. No matter how you want to cover up the nasty taste of crushed pills - well - haven't figured that out yet. It takes a long time to crush the pills and to make sure I haven't missed any. I have been really good about following the diet - all liquids for two weeks. During the operation, the Doc found a hiatel Hernia so he fixed that too - a twofer. Sleeping is not the best yet but I'm hoping that will improve. I've got two weeks to rest and relax. I was able to get some cream of wheat down at breakfast - as long as it was watered down with milk and almost the consistency of a liquid with some cereal in it. My good friend, Kathi, is due any minute and bringing me some wonton soup - I can't eat the wantons but I can eat the broth. We will visit for a time and then she is off to Sioux Falls for the afternoon.

I have five cuts in my stomach, four of them are about 1/2 inch and one is an inch - amazing how they could get at stuff with such small openings. I can feel the port under my skin - it is located about half way between the larger cut and a smaller one. the incisions aren't very big but they are uncomfortable. My insides from upper chest to waist feels like a mac truck ran through it - well actually the surgeon was in there and that is where he did all his work so I should probably feel like that. As my son would say "Whatever". The next thing is to start on exercising and taking walks. Until later - Tikki

One Day Left

I worked this AM and driving back to town was thinking about this procedure tomorrow and processing emotions connected to reviewing all the risks and benefits. The benefits outweigh the risks. I'm feeling confident about this and preparing myself for the recovery process. Was able to really cut calories yesterday and today I am on liquids only - so I've been drinking water all day. After drinking the Magnesium Citrate at 4 PM today, I have been making several trips to the bathroom. The Magnesium is actually better tasting than the stuff they give you the day before a Colonoscopy. I am hopeful for changes in my health after this - changes for the better. Up early tomorrow - 5:30 AM and leaving about 7 AM. Check in is set for 9 AM with surgery at 11 AM. Nothing to eat or drink after midnight.

I switched a blood pressure med from tomorrow AM to tonight so I don't have to drink any water with that. I'm actually looking forward to being put under - it's generally a good sleep and rest time for me - and that is positive. The pain from the 5 small cuts and having my insides juggled around will most likely result in more achy feelings than pain but even achy stuff can be painful. Can't be any worse than childbirth. In any case, I am able to tolerate a lot of pain, unlike my husband. The Meat Grinder arrived today so now everything is in place for the food I can eat.

One thing though - I love a good Reuben sandwich so I'm wondering how a Reuben would taste if it was reduced to puree status :0)??? Humor goes a long way in any kind of stressful situation. I find as I age it becomes easier and easier to be more positive and respect others opinions and not try to convince them to "see it my way" etc. Life is much better now. Life is too short for arguments and grudges. Today more than ever that is mindful as one of our church members, age 62 died in car accident Friday and her visitation is tonight and the funeral tomorrow. My husband is representing us at the visitation tonight and we will both miss the funeral tomorrow. Will be interesting how the rest of the night will go relative to being in the bathroom all the time - Oh Well!!

I will be out of commission for this blog until I get back home - hopefully by Thursday and then by Friday I can write more - until then - Tikki

Today was church with a brunch afterwards. Probably ate more than I should but I did pass on the cinnamon roll. Prayed about the surgery in church. One of our church members, in her 60's was killed in a car accident Friday night - a grim reminder of how short life can be and to make the most of it while you can. Listened to some mediation disks on the computer. Did not sleep well last night. Some joint and muscle aches most likely from the cholesterol med even though I stopped it on Friday. Not even the buckwheat pillow helped. That pillow goes wherever I go. It shapes itself around my head perfectly.

Trying to eat up what is in the fridge that my husband won't eat so ate two avocados - lots of calories there. That will be my dinner. Tomorrow will be cereal for breakfast, lettuce salad for lunch and nothing but liquid for dinner. Cleaning up my office area at home so I don't have that to come home to on Thursday. Started putting things together for the hospital. Went to my office to print out some stuff and my color printer decided to quit - spent about an hour trying everything to bring it back to life but I think it is the cable so will try to get a new one tomorrow morning. Seems as though I've been busy all day and I'm wondering if that might be way of avoiding the feelings associated with this lifestyle change? Still haven't taken a before picture - must do that before Wednesday. Hope I sleep better tonight. Tikki

Yesterday was busy but I was tired all day, I think because of the new meds (the antibiotics). I did manage to go out with a Membership Specialist from the Girl Scout Council to solicit funds for the local swim team. We managed to get to everyone on our list but will have to go back to a few places as we did miss a few who were "out" of the office. This will have to wait for two weeks until after I have sustained some semblance of recovery from my lapband surgery. We have a goal of surpassing last year, which was $1000 and got $500 yesterday so we reach that goal in two weeks. I was able to maintain my weight so I ate OK yesterday. Was very drowsy early last night and in bed by 8 PM, dosing off and on until about 10 PM. The only problem is that I woke up about 2:00 AM and after laying in bed, awake for two hours, got up and did some work online and cleaned up a portion of my work area at home. Went back to bed about 6 AM and napped until just before 9 AM. Now it is 2;30 PM and I am tired again so I hope I can sleep more tonight. As I age, it seems I can get by on less sleep, about 6 hours, maybe 7 a night.

I'm trying to remember which website offered free newsletters because I did set one up but didn't follow through with mailing it out. Now I can't find it :0(! Cleaned up my profile on some social media sites etc. Wondering how I will do with the liquid only stuff. Thinking a bit about the upcoming surgery and hoping it will go well with no complications. Looking at the possibilities for exercising afterwards. Since I sell the Resistance Chair System online, that is the logical place to start. My left knee does not work so well so I appreciate this Chair form of exercise. So far today I am doing well with my eating. I hope I can lose another 3-4 pounds before Wednesday. I'm thinking I may start the liquid diet on Monday - that may help. Until later - Tikki

Preparation - The Beginning

OK - It's taken me 9 months to get to this point and when I started I thought it would only be a month or so - wrong - again. My surgery is scheduled for next week but I had to go through a lot to get here. The first, and biggest, barrier was the requirement to be on a physician/dietician supervised diet for 6 months. The other requirements were: a trial on meds (didn't work), having a psychological evaluation (that's my profession and now I have to be the client - oh joy!!), a mammogram, a tetanus shot, and a cardiac workup. Once the diet was finished (it was a waste of time), it took another two months to get that first appointment with the surgeon - who, by the way, I like very much. So I took the final requirement yesterday - a three hour class, a consult with a pharmacist to review all my meds etc. a chest Xray and final blood work. That final blood work revealed a small glitch, which will not interfere with the surgery date, relative to the presence of bacteria in my system that may cause ulcers - well, let's just add another log on the fire :0)! So now I am on some "super" medication regime for the next 14 days that will (hopefully) get rid of the unwanted and unnecessary little pest.

So - here's what I am looking forward to - trying to lose as much weight as possible in the next 6 days in whatever method works best to get weight off quickly - it helps the surgeon if there is less fat surrounding the liver and apparently crash dieting hits that area first with fat removal. Following this surgery - it is liquids for 2 weeks etc. I am taking off for two weeks even though I'm told I can go back to work in one week.

I must take a picture of myself for the "before" and look at it while the weight comes off - well -- maybe not. It is and will be a grim reminder of the weight. How did I let this happen? Two children didn't help but - really - others have kids and take it off afterwards??? Is it lack of will power - although now, research tends to debunk that theory. I do know that I love the taste of food and I like just about everything. Everything I like is bad for me? I remember hearing from my Grandmother - "Clean your plate - the people in China are starving". So - now when I look at that - what do the starving people in China have to do with my eating habits? How did that get into my psyche? How many other things are buried inside of me? How do I get them out, deal with them, and move on to a healthier lifestyle. I want to see my grandchildren graduate from college and be at their weddings and perhaps if I'm lucky enough, hold a great-grandchild?

Today I was able to control what I ate - I think that is all I can do - just one day at a time. This sounds like AA? But food is an addiction - at least for me. So if I utilize some of the tools from AA and NA, is that a bad thing? Well - the 24 hour thing worked today and I hope it will work for tomorrow. Tikki